Dampierre and Weaselton
by Ghost Archer
Summary: What happens when a grand con man and a shifty weasel become friends and move into a neighborhood of heroes and villains? Hilarity, chaos and confusion for all. Based on Team Neighborhood. Co-written with my pal GrayestLobster7.


**(All content featured goes to their respective owners)**

Dampierre and Weaselton

Pilot

"_Hello, fellow viewers. In case if you are wondering, "Who is that guy talking to me"? Well, I'll tell you_." Dampierre's voice can be heard. "_My name is Geo Dampierre of Venice, Italy, but please, call me Dampierre. I'm a con artist you see. I lie, I cheat, and I steal, that is my game. But until that one day, everything I once knew is about to change forever. Nothing will be the same again. It all happens in the big city of Crossville, the home of heroes and villains alike. Sure they have their differences, but they have different sides of town. Ask anyone who lives in Crossville, and they have this to say "There is no place like Crossville, with heroes and villains". Shopping for goods, grabbing bites to eat, and then comes fighting between the two sides. Luckily, they have a neighborhood for those two sides, the Crossville Neighborhood. When me and a certain other villain meet each other, who knows what will happen? Let's find out, shall we?"_

Dampierre wakes up when his alarm clock gone off at an apartment building he's in. He wakes up with a yawn. "Good morning, Crossville. I am ready to start the day." He takes a shower, brushes his teeth, gets dressed, dusts off his hat, eats breakfast, and heads out the door. At the reception area of the hotel, Dampierre was walking down the steps, and Zeena talked to him.

"Morning, Dampierre." Zeena greeted.

"Good morning, Zeena." Dampierre spoke.

"Hey Dampi, Zavok told me to tell you not to leave early tonight for some night strolls. He wants to talk to you about something when he gets back from his grocery trip."

"Tell Zavok not to worry, I'll be back before you even know it." Dampierre walks out of the hotel building. "Especially when I'll have a good day of lying, cheating, and stealing."

* * *

Meanwhile…

"_Hello, human viewers. In case if you are wondering, "Who is the other guy talking?" Well, I'll tell ya."_ Weaselton's voice is heard this time. _"Name's Weaselton, Duke Weaselton. I'm a not just your average thief, I am a bootleg DVD seller. Until one day, everything I once knew is about to change forever. Nothing will be the same again. Which lead to one question: What happens when me and a certain other villain meet each other, become best friends, and change the world forever? Let's find out together, shall we?"_

At a garage in an alley, Weaselton's alarm clock gone off, he punched it into a pile of other punched and broken clocks. He wakes up, yawns, and as he stretches, his bones cracked. "Ooh. That felt so good. Anyways, let's see my schedule." He gets out a book, blows some dust off, opens it, and reads. "9:00AM - Grabbing Some Breakfast. 11:00AM - Daily Bootleg DVD Selling. 12:00PM - Lunch Break. 2:00PM - Solve World Hunger, *whispers* tell no one… 6:00PM - Watching Recorded Baseball Games. 8:00PM - Dinner with Myself. 9:00PM - Listen to Gazelle Before Heading To Bed. And 11:00PM - Bedtime. I'm booked. But if I bump any times of my schedule, I might slip slowly into further villainy. Maybe. Maybe not. What am I gonna DO TODAY?!"

Weaselton hears a knock on the door, opens it, picks up a newspaper, walks out the door, and closes the door. The newspaper has many heroic articles, such as "Sly Cooper and Crash Bandicoot recovers the Night Howlers from Garland and Dawn Bellwether", "Peaches and Murray stopped an attempted robbery from Captain Gutt", "Ellie and Pox stopped Ripper Roo and Kano from causing destruction at the Crossville Park", and lastly "Diego and Crypto bring back the Eye of Poseidon from Le Paradox". Weaselton scowled upon seeing the headlines.

"Those pesky heroes have saved the city again. Ugh, how I hate them. Now let's see here…" He begins reading the first article as he's walking to Crossville Downtown.

* * *

Dampierre was walking down the streets of Crossville Downtown, while Weaselton is reading an article "Diego and Crypto brings back the Eye of Poseidon from Le Paradox", while they were minding their business, they bumped into each other.

"Oof!" Dampierre and Weaselton exclaim upon contact.

"Hey! Watch where ya goin', mistah!" Weaselton barked.

"And watch where you're going, weasel!" Dampierre yelled.

Weaselton then remembered seeing Dampierre at the Crossville Ice Cream Parlor. "Hey, are you that Dampierre character I saw the other day?"

"And who wants to know?"

Duke shakes his hand and gave him his name. "Weaselton, Duke Weaselton."

"Dampierre, Geo Dampierre, if you please." Dampierre introduced himself.

"I've heard so much about ya, buddy. You lie, you cheat, and you steal, just like me." Weaselton noted.

"What can I say? Le Bello's weapon is his silver tongue." Dampierre said.

"Exactly! You know somethin', Dampi." Weaselton said.

"Yes, Duke?"

"I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

"Oh, that's wonderful! What shall we do first?"

Duke thought about what happened today. "Now that ya mention it, I'm in a bit of a jam and I need some help. You see my bootleg DVD stand over there?" He pointed to a nearby corner where a stand lies.

"Yes, why?"

"I was thinking if you can help me on this job. Whaddya say?"

"Leave it to me, buddy! Let's go!" As they walk to the stand, their friendship is just beginning.

(Cue BGM: Pinna Park (_Super Mario Sunshine_))

As Dampierre and Weaselton begin their friendship by doing what they love together, a skunk, a sheep, an ape, and two armored men spied on them; the duo did sell some bootleg DVDs, pickpocket some wallets, and tell stories about their daughters.

* * *

_2 hours later..._

Dampierre and Weaselton were laughing as they were counting up the money and the coins.

"Look at all that moolah!" Weaselton grinned.

"Yes, we did a lot of profit." Dampierre added.

They continued laughing until they hear footsteps and some clapping, and the source of the footsteps and clapping appears to be five villains; Le Paradox, Dawn Bellwether, Captain Gutt, Nightmare, and Garland.

"Well done, well done! You two got a lot of gold, we're impressed." Le Paradox complimented.

"And who might you be, good sir?" Dampierre asked for his name.

"My name is Cyrille Le Paradox. This is my wife and colleague, Dawn Bellwether." He began giving the names, starting with himself and his wife.

"Hiya." Bellwether greeted with a warm smile.

"Our enforcer, Captain Gutt."

"Here to help." Gutt greeted.

"And our bodyguards, Nightmare and Garland."

"You. I remember you." Nightmare spoke.

"So, you're Geo Dampierre and Duke Weaselton." Garland assumed.

"The one and only duo!" Dampierre confirmed flamboyantly.

"Heheh, you're flattering, Dampierre. You're a funny guy." Gutt laughed.

"What ya guys want? Money? An award o' some kind? A check? Or somethin' else?" Weaselton asked.

"We've been watching you two lie, cheat, and steal. We all have some poor, unfortunate souls. But you know what? We have a good place for those villains: the Crossville Neighborhood."

"Oh yeah, the neighborhood. They do have nice homes. But that's not the point. Are you offering us a chance to join you and your family?"

"You read our minds, Duke. What do you two say? Up for some villainous fun with the family?" Le Paradox offered.

"I'm in, what about you, Duke?" Dampierre accepted without hesitation and asked his cohort.

"What do I say?" Weaselton chuckles nervously. "I... don't know."

* * *

_Later that night…_

Dampierre is preparing some pizza for tonight.

"What do you mean you "don't know"?" Dampierre asked. "A few hours ago, we were making an honest living lying, cheating, and stealing. Now you get the offer of a lifetime and you don't know?"

Weaselton sits down. "It's not that simple, buddy. I wanna be sure we can protect ourselves."

"So do I, my friend."

Weaselton bangs on the table. "From jail, Dampierre!"

Dampierre gets out a slice. "And how do you do that? By turning down a chance to live with the many villains you know living together as a family of one?"

Weaselton gets a slice. "I haven't decided to have you and I live with a family of villains together. We're still villains, ya know."

"Villains with greed in our hearts, and that makes the two of us belong in that family. Whether we want to live in that neighborhood or not."

Weaselton sighs and eats a piece. "Look, now's not a good time to be with a family full of villains. If I don't pay the rent on my garage home in a few days, I'll get evicted. And what about you?"

"Nothing." Dampierre eats his slice.

"Okay, nothing's wrong with you. But still, we all have some bills to pay. I'm just not sure if I am ready yet."

"Hey, we are villains. We are evil ready. We've got to live with them, so we can live our happy lives like brothers or different species. And once we have wives later on in the future, our kids can have that choice as well."

Weaselton chuckles. "Well, I can't lie to you. It's nice to be wanted. Flattering, you know? But..."

"What's the choice? One: We do this right, get well paid, we're out of the hotel, and things get better for the villains in the Crossville Neighborhood, including us. Or two: we find jobs in two weeks and we stay in this hotel for years to come."

Weaselton sighs. "You know it's crazy, right? To help us, we gotta leave the hotel. To join the family of villains, and breaking the law."

"We'll be great."

"I know we will."

"Great! You know after dinner, you should call Le Paradox and Bellwether after we eat all of our pizza."

"You know what? You make a good case, Dampi, maybe we will join the family."

"Excellent! I knew you seek my way."

After dinner, Weaselton dials the number given to him earlier today.

Le Paradox can be heard on the phone. "_Le Paradox speaking_."

"This is Duke Weaselton, I'm in."

* * *

The next morning, Dampierre and Weaselton got their suitcases ready.

"So, you two are leaving the hotel?" Zeena asked.

"Yes, Le Paradox's call." Dampierre replied.

"Umm, I hate to inform you, sweetheart, but me and the other members of the Deadly Six also got invited to the Crossville Neighborhood, and we accepted it." She got her suitcase ready along with the other members.

"So did we." Weaselton spoke up.

"The limo should arrive any minute now." Zik said just as the villain limo arrived. "Well, speak of the devil, here it is now."

The driver of the limo gets the suitcases and puts them in the trunk of the limo.

"Stupendous, the timing couldn't be any more perfect." Weaselton starts going into the limo.

Zavok turn to face some robots. "Egg Pawns, we'll be gone for a long time. You guys are being put under new management while we're gone to the Crossville Neighborhood."

The Egg Pawns nodded.

"Let's go!" Zazz cackled as he goes into the limo fast.

Zomom had a hard time getting in, but luckily he did it anyway. "Whoa, that was unexpected. I wonder if they have any food inside the limo."

Zeena gets in with Zik. "Zomom, there will be food in the Crossville Neighborhood, just be patient."

"Hmm, I see the student has become the teacher." Zik smiled.

"Thanks, Zik. Has Zor and Zavok came in yet?"

Zor comes in. "Right here, you guys."

Zavok comes in. "If Le Paradox and Bellwether needed us, so be it."

Dampierre finally comes in and closes the door. "I'm ready to see what the Crossville Neighborhood is really like."

"Like what Zik said, be patient." Zeena spoke

"Again, the student has become the teacher." Zik smiles.

The driver contacts Le Paradox. "The other villains are inside. I'm dropping them off now."

"_Gorgeous. I trust there will be no trouble at all whatsoever, I assume?"_ Le Paradox asked from the other end.

"No."

"_Good, now get to it."_

"Got it." The driver starts driving the limo.

While the limo is moving, the villains strike up some conversation.

"Alright guys, when we get to the Crossville Neighborhood, me and Weaselton are going to relax. What about you guys?" Dampierre asked.

"Yeah, what about ya guys?" Weaselton spoke.

"I'll catch up with Garland and Nightmare." Zavok revealed his plans.

"Kefka and I will do some destruction together!" Zazz told them his plans.

"I just want food, you know." Zomom said.

"Don't worry, Zomom. They have many supplies of food for ya, buddy." Weaselton told the bulbous Zeti.

"Thanks, Duke." Zomom thanked Weaselton.

"Anybody else, hmm?" Dampierre asked.

"I will do my daily meditation in my own room." Zik replies.

"I'll relax too with you guys." Zeena adds.

"Aww, Zeena. What are friends for?" Dampierre smiles contently.

Zeena giggles. "Don't mention it."

"Meh, I'll just be doing my own thing." Zor sighs.

"Ah well, suit yourself." Weaselton shrugs.

"As they say in French, _c'est la vie_."

Le Paradox contacts Dampierre, Weaselton, and the Deadly Six, via TV screen in the Crossville Neighborhood Villain House.

"_Greetings, my fellow villains. Enjoying the ride to the Crossville Neighborhood?"_

"Yeah. But Mr. Le Paradox, it's wonderful; the home you're living in is too generous." Zeena said.

"_Nonsense! That's the least we can do. We're all villains! We can't have all villains live in some hotel just for villains, don't we?"_

"I suppose..."

"_You are welcomed to stay for all eternity. As long as you follow the rules, you'll be just fine."_

"Oh gee, I-I don't know what to say." Zeena said nervously.

"How about "thanks"?" Dampierre told her.

"_That's the spirit, Dampierre. You can look forward to do whatever you want in the villain home!" _Le Paradox laughs evilly._ "That's all for now, and you're approaching your destination, have a nice ride until you stop. Bye."_ Le Paradox hangs up.

* * *

In the Crossville Neighborhood, the heroes heard there're some new arrivals coming in, and they heard correct when the villain limo stopped at the villain house.

"Oh boy, the villain limo, what new villains are they letting in this time?" Gidget said sarcastically.

The driver got out, opens the door, and signals Danpierre, Weaselton, and the Deadly Six out. "Alright, everyone. Out you go." They got out of the limo.

"Is that Dampierre?" Kilik gasps.

"Is that Weaselton?" Judy gasps.

"And is that the Deadly Six?" Sonic gasps.

"Are you freaking kidding me?!" Peaches shouts.

"I knew about this all along and even I don't like it right now at all!" Bartz complained.

"I swear I'm gonna kill Le Paradox and Bellwether for this!" Matilda growled angrily. Terence pats Matilda's shoulder to calm her down.

"Everyone, what is the matter?" Kuja asks as he walked by.

Jecht looks at the new arrivals. "Uhh... them I predict."

"More villains for the Crossville Neighborhood." Golbez confirmed.

"You know something? I'm glad to be out of that house all those years ago, because at least I know I betrayed Vayne. There are many of those who can say that." Gabranth admitted.

"We know." Ellie, Cloud, Gertie, Sid, Vaan, and Teddy said in unison.

"Good, and don't you forget it."

"Well, I'm taking a shower." Jecht said as he stretched and left.

"Good, you've been hot and sweaty from working out for three days straight." Kuja agreed.

"Patience breeds time, Kuja." Golbez confirmed.

"I know."

"This is not good." Shira whispers to Snowball.

"You're telling me, Dampierre and Weaselton are quite the troublemakers themselves." Snowball agreed.

"What if they come over here and pickpocket us?"

"How would they do that? They're not allowed here, can't you read my sign?" Snowball points to a sign that read "Trespassing villains will be annihilated; survivors or visiting villains will be kicked all the way back to the villain house! Signed, Snowball."*

"Oh yeah, I forgot."

"And now you remembered. Great, just what I like to hear."

"I know how new villains feel like. But if it's new heroes, I can relate to." Diego said before looking towards Dampierre and Weaselton. "But those two idiots, ugh, they're nuts."

"Let's not pick on them further, they could hear us." Ellie spoke.

"Great idea, Ellie. Let's head on back inside before they notice us." Crunch agreed.

Ahoy, my villainous mates." Captain Gutt greeted as he comes down from the roof. "Captain Gutt, here to welcome you."

"Captain Gutt," Zavok grips his hand. "It's good to see you, old friend."

"Zavok, we met back at the Crossville Gym. We were workout buddies." Gutt remembered the Zeti.

"Indeed." Zavok agreed.

"So, you have arrived. Splendid! And just in time too, everyone is out here to see you all." Le Paradox arrived and greeted the newcomers to the neighborhood.

El Jefe, Toothpick, the Grizz, Penelope, Miss Decibel, Doug Ramses, Woolter, Jesse, Dr. Eggman, Metal Sonic, Chaos, Infinite, King Candy/Turbo, Sadira, Spinal, Fulgore, Kan-Ra, Riptor, Omen, Shadow Jago, Cinder, ARIA, Mira, Gargos, General RAAM, Kilgore, Raphael Sorel, Cervantes de Leon, Lizardman/Aeon Calcos, Tira, Nightmare, Voldo, Astaroth, Azwel, Squint, Raz, Gupta, Flynn, Dobson, Silas, Tighten, Psycho Delic, Destruction Worker, Hot Flash, Judge Sludge, the Conductor, Kronika, Cetrion, Geras, Frost, Shao Kahn, D'Vorah, Erron Black, Kano, Noob Saibot, Skarlet, Kollector, Shang Tsung, Professor Callaghan, Yama, Garland, Emperor Mateus, Cloud of Darkness, Gilgamesh, Exdeath, Kefka Palazzo, Sephiroth, Ultimecia, Kam'lanaut, Vayne Carudas Solidor, Snow Villiers, Zenos yae Galvus, Leonard, Ross, Syndrome, Evelyn Deavor/Screenslaver, Dr. Neo Cortex, Tiny Tiger, N. Gin, Dingodile, Ripper Roo, Papu Papu, Komodo Joe, Pinstripe Potoroo, Fake Crash, Krunk, Nash, Small Norm, Big Norm, Geary, Real Velo, Nitros Oxide, Silhouette, Armquist, Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe, Agent Oranchov, Premier Milenkov, Vinnie and Mikey Molinari, Saxon, Henri Crousteau, the Master, and Emperor Meningitis came out and welcomed the duo and the Deadly Six.

"Thank you all. Thank you, thank you." Dampierre thanked the welcome committee

"Now that you eight are in, ready to hear the rules?" Le Paradox asks.

Dampierre, Weaselton, and the Deadly Six nodded. "Okay, you know what? I might as well say this now. There are; no rules, no heroes, no traitors, and most importantly, do whatever you want because you are villains! Corruption forever, justice never!" The villains cheered hearing those words.

"Well, Weaselton, ready to start our new lives here?" Dampierre asks his new friend.

"As long as we are best friends, Dampi, I'm ready to do anything." Weaselton replies as they share a fist bump.

Then the scene cues the credits with Andy's Neighborhood (Toy Story 2) playing.

* * *

**Like what you see? My pal Grayson and I put all this together. Reviews are welcome. Excelsior!**


End file.
